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The Prussian Officer, 1914

Page 308 (28 of 30)

ODOUR OF CHRYSANTHEMUMS


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her mind, cold and detached, said clearly : " Who
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am I ? What have I been doing ? I have been
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fighting a husband who did not exist. He existed
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all the time. What wrong have I done ? What was
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that I have been living with ? There lies the reality,
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this man." -- And her soul died in her for fear :
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she knew she had never seen him, he had never seen
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her, they had met in the dark and had fought in the
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dark, not knowing whom they met nor whom they
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fought. And now she saw, and turned silent in
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seeing. For she had been wrong. She had said he
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was something he was not; she had felt familiar
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with him. Whereas he was apart all the while,
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living as she never lived, feeling as she never felt.
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In fear and shame she looked at his naked body,
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that she had known falsely. And he was the father
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of her children. Her soul was torn from her body
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and stood apart. She looked at his naked body and
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was ashamed, as if she had denied it. After all, it
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was itself. It seemed awful to her. She looked at
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his face, and she turned her own face to the wall.
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For his look was other than hers, his way was not
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her way. She had denied him what he was -- she
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saw it now. She had refused him as himself. -- And
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this had been her life, and his life. -- She was grateful
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to death, which restored the truth. And she knew
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she was not dead.

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And all the while her heart was bursting with
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grief and pity for him. What had he suffered ?
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What stretch of horror for this helpless man ! She
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was rigid with agony. She had not been able to
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help him. He had been cruelly injured, this naked
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man, this other being, and she could make no

 

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